​When ​i must ​take ​leave​ of​ you

When ​i must ​take ​leave​ of​ you,

How quickly the sadness tracks me down;

Fed by sleeplessness,

Stray thoughts,​

​
And, a frontline of felled castles in the air​; 
Then​ all becomes lifeless and dark.

My heart 
           drops 
                 infinitely;

Even during the most brilliant of days,

When it should be light and rising like a phoenix;

Not frigidly sinking into darkness-- defaced, mangled,

And lapidarius . . . polished  like a hag stone 
    from a lifetime of wear and tears
         and abrasions.

i see you again and ​the world becomes vibrant;

The touch, the feel,
The love that emanates,

A resurrecting feeling deep inside;
       --Inanna passing back through the seven gates--

Then we must part;
And all becomes dark and lifeless.

My face is a facade when you are not near.

It is full of glamour magick --all smiles and all laughs;

But, nothing is real until

        i am back in your presence.

And my heart becomes witch fire flint,
   and the sparks fly,

     and the fireworks radiate inside,

Firing to the beat of your drumming heart;
My face -- no longer a facade.
Then you impishly shoo me away,
​And all becomes lifeless and dark.

Before long you text ILY;

How quickly the light descends from nowhere,

And all becomes spirited and bright...

If i Could Only Just...

If I could only just

I make perfect sense to me,
I have since antiquity;
But, from your view I'm not so sure I do.

...And, as I see, at times, I cognitively confound you.

So,
Allow me to understand the diligently deep thoughts

Source

That swirl within your head;
The ones that don't come out as I suppose I think they should,
or could, or even would,
As you attempt to make sense of me...                                 

If I could only just
dive into the well of
your swirling thoughts
I am sure it would be a beautiful "Starry Night"
Playfully darting above an oasis of love.

And
I playfully imagine Somewhere inside that heaven
      the idea of us was born

          on the back of a renegade turtle.

Gaze from behind those chestnut brown eyes for 
A greater comprehension of 
your view of 
MY obscurity
Amidst the "Ninth Wave" of my soul...

Oh,  If I could only Just...​

You & Your Dionysus

You & your Dionysus

Choose to exist as extreme opposites,

With your silent cold shoulders,

Or rowdy

       Raucous

          Ritual madness.

           As opposite as East and West

             Going far enough in one direction to

Turn into the other—

Making you both one in the same…

Two extreme natures to your personality,

From catatonic melancholia,

              To acrimonious bellicosity.

I would rather you abandon me,

To go live with your Dionysus,

& your self-pity,

Than to chastise me with your accusatory fallacies 
                                             and your monotonous  misconceptions.

—Let me just say; three is a crowd.

The Key

The key to this iced over heart ...

Long ago, intentionally lost; I tossed it

in the deepest darkest

fissures of 

Valhalla’s Catacombs

upon my visit there

        in the distant past; where

             Lo there, I was not wanted yet--

             For I was slain not in combat, but in love,

and so came back--leaving the key to its oblivion.

My heart remained surrounded by ice, and 

Surrounded by darkness.

The intent was to keep it locked 

        for evermore,

Numb to the pain 

that no one could see;

no longer hurting every time i drew breath. 

....somehow, 

a key,

mysteriously in your possession,

created from that

internal light,

In that

place inside you 

                       where the entire universe dwells.

You fashioned the impossible

A Skeleton key to my heart.

Without your key and your antics--

the frigid sorrow within 

       will refuse to be unlocked or

                                      annihilated.

And so it begins.

I feel the melting,

and it pains me;

like the pain from an unfreezing of 

outer extremities, 

only deep within...

I forgot how much love can hurt.

Dozens of Dreams Deep

Just
   Once
      One time i knew what life was about.
Once foreseen in a dream;
Then,
Somewhat suddenly,
In Providence with you.
The trees all stood as still,
As they never could be.
In their entire lives.
A feat unto itself--serene.
As unmoving as soldiers at attention--proper formation.
Not a branch shook, or shimmied, or swayed,
Not the whole night, or
The whole way.
Strolling over bewitching mist,
All the way there,
And then,
All the way back again.

And,
i knew quite suddenly, in fact,
Rather purely,
That this was as it was,
Even before this was what this is.
i found myself,
Pouring my heart into,
What i knew to be,
What it could not be,
What i could not keep,
But, what simply just is,
Living truth hidden dozens of dreams deep,
Under layers of lifetimes.

Truth

My long nose-pointed toward a silver rectangle--
Toward a silver rectangle with a flat surface
And there's a truth that it shows
In it, and there can not be two or three truths
Only one truth.
Truth that wasn't my mother's words.
I revert to those words when i don't like the answer-the mirror shows.
Fogged up after a long shower,
Under the cover of fog: i can hide but
I am still there.
I am not able to rub the truth from the surface
I can only walk away from the silver glass.

Him

His toes curl up 

As he lies upside down on the bed
With his goods exposed.
His black bottom lip quivers
As he sleeps
Engulfed in the dreams
That only One like him dreams. 
Through his senses,
He is Easily woken from his slumber
With the slightest stir of movement.
His big eyes look at me in saturation mode,
Startled at first
And then—
In a foggy admiration.
Stretching, he licks my toes
With his tongue and tickles them.
Annoyed, I push him away with my feet.
He turns over and stretches his ass
Up in the air like a child
Who has slept rather oddly,
And as if he is bowing
to some demi-goddess,
Who is long forgotten,
Except by him.

Then
he lies back down
Rubbing his face,
And his nose.
And he sneezes because of the dust
That I stir when I reach
and open the curtain
To peer out the window
At nothing in particular.
He tugs at my NYC night shirt with teeth,
As if to say
He wants to play.
His nails are long,
And I realize
They need to be cut.
He smiles and shows his teeth
With his underbite
Surrounded by his Foo-Man-Chu beard.

We rise up and he races me down the stairs,
Him moving a mile a minute.
His salt and pepper appearance
Makes him seem like he is old,
But he is not. 
I open the back door
And we exit,
Me in my night clothes and him naked.
Running around like mad
Through the freshly dewed grass,
He suddenly stops.
He hears something from afar,
Something I cannot.
One can only wonder
As he barks once,
Listens,
Then
Goes about his business,
Then comes back home
to eat.